is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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