you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
