WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
