i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
