sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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