I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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