I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
