p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
