My first STD was from a foam party
i think my tv is drunk
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
