I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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