Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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