Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
