My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
