I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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