So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my being single is dangerous.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
