I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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