Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
