I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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