A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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