theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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