Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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