Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
