The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
