All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
