He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Another day, another engagement, another cat
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
