I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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