I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
