he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
