I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
