Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
