I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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