She said her name was "party"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
