His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
