I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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