He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
