you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
