I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize