I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
