but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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