if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
