Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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