It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
