Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
