It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
