You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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