this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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