We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
