I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
porn star boner night. come get it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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