3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
