so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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