The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
