i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
