you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.