I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n