oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize