you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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