google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay