hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"