to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
time to smoke my breakfast
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.