all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
