Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
