I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
