She's JV to your varsity
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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