thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
