The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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