I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
