Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
