and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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