your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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