ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize