he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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