lets start a swedish sibling band together
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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