Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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