just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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