I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
