I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
