let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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