She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
