where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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